Nat Medhurst: Why I’m making a netball comeback at age 38 as a mother of two

To return to netball.

At the tender age of 38 and following the birth of two children, with my youngest currently three months old, I am going to don my first netball dress since December 2019. Ask my fiancé and he’ll tell you he thinks I’m crazy.

To be honest, I agree with him.

When I retired in 2020, there was no way I ever thought I would be back playing some form of elite netball. Even social netball was never on my radar.

Having been kept somewhat at arm’s length from the sport since retiring due to the impacts of Covid, sitting courtside this season as a member of the FOX Sports commentary team got me back up close and personal with the game that I had identified with for 17 years. And as I watched the players battling it out, it made me realise how much I missed it.

It made me wonder: could I still match it with them?

*****

Very few athletes get the fairytale finish to their careers, like Liz Ellis bowing out by captaining her country to a world championship. It would be every player’s dream to go out like that. Yet sadly, that’s not usually the case. Whether through injury, selection or personal factors, the majority of athletes (in any sport) leave the game not in the way that they would have hoped.

My end was certainly interesting.

At the end of 2019, after going through fertility treatment, I fell pregnant. I managed to get one more taste of competitive netball when, at nine weeks pregnant, the Collingwood Magpies headed off to compete in the New Zealand pre-season competition, held in Nelson. At that point, I had no idea what would transpire over the next 12 months. None of us did.

A mere three months later, Covid hit. While there were a lot of personal strains that Covid impacted within our household (as it did to so so many, especially in Victoria), there was one little positive. Or so I thought.

Suncorp Super Netball decided to push back the start of the season. With my first child due in July, a return to the court in 2020 seemed possible. All teams moved to a hub in Queensland.

On July 7, 2020, one day before Melbourne went into months of the toughest lockdowns in the world, I gave birth to our first child, a son, via emergency c-section.

Dare I say it, as a new family there were perks to being in lockdown. Being a family 24/7 and in our own little bubble was truly special and we are thankful for that time. Yet there was also the incredible toll – emotional, mental, financial and physical – that Covid took on us and so many others.

Three weeks after giving birth, I was back on the bike. Literally. Riding a bike was the first step in regaining fitness and the ability to join my teammates in Queensland, to play some part in the final stages of the SSN season. Weeks went by, with numerous tearful breakdowns along the way, and eventually I was in a position to return.

Except there was a hurdle.

While my six-week-old son and I were free to enter Queensland to join the hub, my partner was not. While in the AFL wives, girlfriends and families moved in and out of their Queensland hub freely, it was frustratingly not the case for netball.

Outside of Netball Australia, we tried every possible avenue to get to Queensland as a family. After what we had been through, there was no way I was separating our young family for more than a month.

Attempt after attempt, we hit roadblocks or heard nothing from netball. It was draining, compounded by everything else already happening in Melbourne at the time. While many say I retired due to family, at that point I still had no idea what my future would hold. I knew my time to join the team was almost running out and was eagerly awaiting good news.

Then a phone call from a teammate turned into a conversation I was not at all anticipating. I was told I “was ruining it for all future mothers by joining the hub, due to the costs incurred” to travel with my newborn son and fiancé as the carer.

That call ripped me to pieces. It still has some effect on me, obviously.

I am not sure if it is anger, hurt, disappointment or a combination of all three. Sadly, it is a sentiment that seems to be shared by many, that pregnancy and motherhood have negative impacts on teams, individuals and future mothers.

That is why lately I have questioned stepping away from the sport. It happened sooner than I would have liked and not on terms that sit well.

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I am incredibly happy with where my life is right now, though it’s vastly different to the one I would have imagined only a couple of years ago. Back in Perth, two children and attempting to get a wedding sorted for the end of the year.

The conversation of playing in the Australian Netball Championships (ANC) in late August came about quickly. Coming back to play wasn’t something I had really been contemplating for too long, nor something I genuinely thought would get any legs.

Except for literally a handful of shots in heels as I crossed the court before a commentary gig this season, I had not even picked up a netball, let alone thrown one.

Yet only two months after the birth of our daughter, I was back training. And nervous as hell. Terrified, to be honest.

Firstly, half the girls named in the Fever Reserves Squad basically weren’t even born when I started playing. I was nervous about what people would think or say. I was nervous about making a complete fool of myself.

But nerves, if anything, show that you care. And coming back to play was definitely something I cared about.

My reasons for coming back are varied.

More than anything as a player, I loved competing and I loved the challenge I would face every day in training, playing with and against the best players in the world. Coming back gives me both of those things in my life again.

While it isn’t back at SSN, it’s damn close with the calibre of players competing.

Being a mum is an incredible gift, privilege and responsibility, and for many that is enough. Yet for me, trying to navigate my current life, I feel lost and struggling to find a purpose. There are no doubt more of us mums who feel like that, yet don’t feel we can say it.

Playing and having a sense of purpose, a goal, something for me … that doesn’t stop me from being the mum that I am. Instead, I hope that it enhances what I give to my children.

It is nice to feel like I am contributing to something. And while they will never remember this upcoming tournament, playing in front of my children will mean more to me than most can imagine.

Closure. No doubt that is something I am searching for. Assuming I can survive the back-to-back matches across the week of netball, perform well and play my role for the team, then I will certainly get that. Closure, after that far-from-ideal ending in 2020.

I know that ANC is viewed as a development pathway. And I am aware of (some of) the chatter about my inclusion ahead of younger players.

There was never any expectations of selection from my end. No obligation on anyone to select me. And I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t truly believe that I had something to offer, beyond my own performance.

When I was a youngster coming through, being invited to train alongside the likes of Nat and Laura von Bertouch and Kathryn Harby Williams at the Adelaide Thunderbirds was eye-opening. Laura, in particular, took me under her wing. Seeing how she trained, how she played and how she challenged herself is something that always stuck with me.

Those players pushed me to be better. They gave me a taste of what I needed to be and what I wanted to be. If I had constantly stayed with the same group of players my age, maybe things would have turned out differently. Who knows.

Being selected in this team, I am very aware of my role in helping to nurture and develop the talent of younger teammates. Supporting the girls, while pushing them. Challenging them on what they can deliver. Ideally, I want to see them grow and mature as players.

It’s hugely motivating.

While I never thought I would be sitting up at 5am expressing breastmilk before heading off for a 6am training session, I’m so glad that I am. This is the part where I give a massive shout out to my fiancé, Sam, for his support; so I can go “completely mad dog” (his words!) in returning to play.

My expectations for my first training session were low. Incredibly low. And for someone who was always pretty hard on themselves, I was pleasantly surprised. A nice little confidence booster and as training sessions have progressed, it has started to feel a lot more comfortable.

I think back to sitting courtside this SSN season just gone, humouring myself with the notion that I could still play. Relatively fresh back on court and without much match practice under my belt, will my body match up with my head and still be able to perform?

Time will tell.

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It feels strange to even be writing about this. I am not the first athlete to make a comeback, nor will I be the last, and technically it’s not at the same level.

But I understand that there is an interest and if sharing my reasons and story encourages someone else to take a plunge on something that they’ve been thinking about doing, or been told they can’t do, then that is something pretty big to come out of this.

Even better if this is a story that I can tell my children and encourage them to do the same.

I look at my former Diamonds teammate, Renae Ingles (nee Hallinan) and couldn’t be more inspired by her. I know she doesn’t see herself that way but to make a comeback three years after last playing national league, while on holiday back in Australia – not too shabby!

I am just going to ignore any of her body pain stories!