‘Self-sabotage’: Former Newcastle Knights captain Mitchell Pearce addresses his demons

The Catalans Dragons halfback said stepping down as Newcastle Knights captain to play with the Super League club in Perpignan after a lewd messaging scandal with a Knights employee, has given him the head space to address his demons.

“That texting was bad, it was a horrible time, it wasn’t good, it led to us cancelling the wedding, but everything happens for a reason,” he said.

“You make some mistakes in life, but you’ve got to own it … alcohol makes you feel good, it’s a lot of fun and in the NRL there’s mateship and alcohol is part of that.

“You only look to escape with booze when there’s trouble. I’m not a natural at managing it (drink), I’m getting better … but it’s also your personality type, I have anxiety and fears of the expectations of myself.

“At times I’ve felt suffocated, I came to football young; the expectations to succeed … it’s easier to manage that stuff by abusing alcohol and self-sabotaging with women or anything.

“I don’t want to be like this. I’ve been to rehab (2016) … Alcohol gives you that feel good factor but it’s not the answer.”

Pearce, 33, was forced to call off his 150-guest wedding in Byron Bay to fiancee Kristin Scott last year after the flirty text exchange with a female Knights employee was revealed.

After more than 300 games in the NRL and winning a premiership with the Roosters in 2013, he walked away to move abroad, admitting he was “mentally drained”.

The scandal has made him reflect deeply on his life and with the huge career move he concedes he still has plenty to learn in France.

Counselling and taking responsibility for his actions have helped him mature.

“I’m riding a wave in France, I’m loving Europe, I’m single, the women are beautiful – meeting people from different cultures has helped open my mind and made me realise Australia isn’t always right – different cultures see things differently.

“I’ve worked on myself, I’ve had counselling to deal with my anxiety and used to self-sabotage a lot because I didn’t think I deserved anything good,” he said.

“When it builds up and you keep things in, you make some misjudgements and turn to alcohol, I’m still not perfect and I’m not teetotal but I’ve got better at managing things.”

Pearce first played State of Origin as an uncertain 19-year-old when he strained to step out of the shadows of his Blues legend father Wayne Pearce.

Riddled with the inexorable doubts of a teenager, criticism like someone calling “you’re sh*t” in the street added to his anxiety, even causing him to lock himself in his room.

Time spent at a rehabilitation centre in Thailand in 2016 gave him a “safe place” to talk openly about his fears.

When he returns to Australia in three years when his contract expires he plans to mentor schoolchildren about the importance of speaking out when worried or depressed, ­especially with boys.

“I’ve got a passion for connecting with people and being real. True trust in yourself and others comes through vulnerability and connection,” he said.

“We need a change in culture so young people feel they can open up,” he said.

“If you get yourself in the right mindset from an earlier age you can deal with what life throws at you better.

“It’s important to get into schools earlier to prevent battles with alcohol and getting into a vulnerable space … everyone wants to be accepted and loved.”